Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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