So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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