No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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