I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
