He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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