I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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