i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
