I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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