well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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