You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
