Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
