Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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