ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
