the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
