i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
