New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
