i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
