wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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