My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
