Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
