"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
