Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
