I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Farmville is her only friend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
