I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
