It's Friday. Sex?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
