i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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