She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
