my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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