I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
