He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
