I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
