just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
