please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
