Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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