so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
