just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
