I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
