$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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