I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
