I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
