She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
