He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
