I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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