I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
