Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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