you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
even my farts smell like vagina
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
