Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
