gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
