i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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