I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
